


Adora the Groomer

by MinorSmile09



Category: Back at the Barnyard (Cartoon), He-Man and the Masters of the Universe, She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018), She-Ra: Princess Of Power (1985), World Wrestling Entertainment
Genre: 'Murica, Abuse, Age Play, Age Regression/De-Aging, America Fuck Yeah, Anal Sex, BDSM, Beating, Bondage, Child Abuse, Christmas, Christmas Eve, Desmond Is Amazing, Discord - Freeform, Doctor’s Warning, Explicit Sexual Content, F/F, F/M, Fandom Trumps Hate, Feminist Themes, Grooming, Homophobia, Homophobic Language, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Lolicon, Lolita, Non-Graphic Violence, Other, Patriotism, Pedophilia, Rape, Rape/Non-con Elements, Rough Sex, Self-Insert, Sexual Content, Sexual Violence, Social Justice, Sweet Chin Music, Team USA, Transphobia, Unreliable Narrator, Violence, Wrestling, love is love, offensive language, tables
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-21
Updated: 2021-01-18
Packaged: 2021-03-06 19:53:22
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,944
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26034481
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MinorSmile09/pseuds/MinorSmile09
Summary: If I get sued for this, it's been a good ride.
Relationships: Adora & Catra (She-Ra), Adora/Catra (She-Ra)
Comments: 44
Kudos: 21





	1. From Rapey Beginnings

‘Twas one fine day in Etheria. ‘Twas a time where Princess Adora questioned her twisted views on sexuality.

Adora browsed Discord a while and came across a server meant for minor attracted people. Donning her ‘trans rights’ hat and being sure to write down her Reddit password before she forgot, she decided to type in a question.

“How can I get away with raping a child?” Adora asked herself out loud while typing.

Suddenly Adora remembered something before finishing or sending the message.

“THE TIME CRYSTAL!” Adora put down her jerk-off lotion for a half second and bolted out of the room to raid the royal dressing room.

She ransacked the drawers, looking for the time crystal. It had been used many times to make royal figures look younger, and was powered with the blood of children.

“Ahh, here it is!” Adora shouted, whipping out a necklace with what looked like a crystal in the shape of a goat head tied around the base.

“Ahh, those gay satanists have the wackiest inventions! I’ll be sure to thank the cult guys later though, I’ve got something more important to do!” Adora quickly put the necklace around her… neck. Which fulfilled its purpose, I guess. Though her ulterior motives were much, much darker.

Adora grinned evilly as she saw Catra walking down the royal corridor.

“Oh, hi AdoraaaAAAAAAA!!” Catra shouted as a beam of light shot out of the crystal and a pentagram appeared on the wall. Catra fell on the ground, her voice sounding significantly different as she listened to herself yelling.

“I—hey-what did you DO TO ME???!!” The now nine-year-old Catra yelled, as she felt her face and body to see she had regressed significantly in age.

“Catra, we’re not gay enough! If we’re going to be gay, you have to be a child!” Adora shouted, starting to force herself on Catra in the hallway.

“S-Stop! I don’t want to do this!” Catra wailed.

“I’m gay, bitch! I can do whatever I want! INCLUDING CHILD RAPE!!” Adora yelled, forcibly kissing Catra.

Catra began to cry and kissed her back, knowing Adora’s Faggot Wrath™ would be too much for her to handle.

“I love you…” Adora said a bit seductively before ferociously punching Catra in the stomach. Catra cried in pain, holding her stomach and trying to keep herself from barfing.

Adora walked quickly to the other side of the hallway and started stomping her foot down rhythmically.

“N-No… WAIT, ADORA, WHAT ARE YOU DOING!!?” Catra yelled.

Adora sprinted back down the hallway and did a running punt kick to the side of Catra’s head, concussing her instantly. The Lolified Catra groaned on the floor as Adora picked her head up and started talking to her.

“It’s time for me to teach you a lesson in… **LGBT acceptance.** ” Adora spoke, then picked Catra up over her shoulder and carried her to the bedroom.

**_A few hours later…_ **

A half-unconscious Catra woke up to find herself buck naked and chained to Adora’s bed.

“You’re already showing me yours, so I’ll show you mine!” Adora yelled, unzipping her Lesbian Pants™ and pulling out a seven-inch cock.

“W-What is that!!? I thought you were a g-girl!!” Catra yelled, trying to get free from the shackles.

“This is 2020, you bigot! Women don’t have to have vaginas! Hillary Clinton taught me that!!” Adora raved.

Adora climbed on the bed and held her erect penis in her hand.

“You see this chest of mine!? You see these pecs?? I’m ALL WOMAN! FUCK YOUR BIOLOGY! I AM NOT A MAN…” Adora started to legitimately cry. “I… ***sob*** AM NOT MALE!! FUCK YOU, DAD!!” Adora started to bawl.

Like most of the LGBT, Adora had daddy issues. Let’s flash back to that, shall we?

**_Ten years ago…_ **

“Daddy, daddy! I want to be a pretty princess when I grow up!!” A little boy yelled. This was She-Ra, but before her transition! She was eight years old, and male at the time!

“Now, James, don’t fall for those liberal lies! It’ll turn you into a child rapist when you grow older!” Child She-Ra’s dad replied.

“B-But… daddy… I want to wear the dress! The old men I met on the internet said I’d look good in one! A really short one!!” Child She-Ra, er, James, persisted nevertheless.

“Now, son, what did I tell you about meeting weird gay old men on the internet? You’ll turn into a suicide statistic just like your poor cousin Jimmy. I mean, erm, Jenny.” The Dad shot down.

“But daaaaaad, I already started cutting myself!” Child She-Ra pulled down his… **_her_ **sleeve to show her dad several old razor blade scars and more than a few fresh ones.

“JAMES, WHAT THE FUCK!!?” The Dad shouted, falling out of his chair.

**_Five years after that…flashback number two_ **

She-Ra walked around in a short dress in front of her dad.

“Hey dad!” She-Ra yelled.

“Oh, hi… **dear Christ, son, what are you wearing??”** The Dad asked.

“An underwear-less dress! Feeling the breeze on my balls is so nice during the spring! Check out how my balls swing whenever I dance around, too!” She-Ra did a little ‘rawr x3’ dance in front of her dad, showcasing her impeccable ball-swinging.

**“James… please…”** The Dad began to cry a bit, holding his face in his hands.

“Come on, Dad, don’t be upset! You can grab my balls if you want! They’re squishy and sensitive!” She-Ra encouraged, still dancing like a weird pseudo-femboy and beginning to wave her butt and junk at him.

**_“James, this isn’t you!! Why are you doing this!?”_ ** The Dad yelled.

She-Ra finally lost her patience.

“My name isn't James anymore! My name is **Adora!”** She-Ra yelled proudly.

Adora slapped the shit out of her dad. Her dad began to cry.

_“NOW GRAB MY BALLS, YOU BIGOT!! And rub them too!”_ Adora yelled. Her crying father began to sob and reached up her dress, feeling up her balls and gently rubbing them.

“Ahh, that’s much better. Good bigot!” Adora sighed with satisfaction.

**_Present day…_ **

“Dad was a bigot, so I raped his asshole after that! AND I’LL RAPE YOU TOO, YOU TRANSPHOBIC LITTLE CUNT!” Adora slapped the chained up Catra’s face and pressed her cock up against her loli pussy.

“AAHHH! WAIT! I’M JUST A KID, STOP!!” Catra shouted.

“NOT IN CAT YEARS!!” Adora roared, shoving her member in.

  
  
  


**_*intro jingle plays*_ **

**_*Ask Dr. Pig logo shows*_ **

**_*camera cuts to Dr. Pig waving at the viewers*_ **

“Hello folks, I’m Dr. Pig! Today I have a diagram showing you exactly how raping a child is harmful to them!”

**_*Dr. Pig draws a crude rendition of a vagina*_ **

“You see folks, a vagina at Catra’s regressed age is too small to properly fit Adora’s seven inch phallus inside! If it were to be shoved in anyway, it would cause extreme pain to the recipient’s genitals by stretching them beyond the intended capacity! But I doubt that sick fuck Adora cares! Regardless, let’s get back to the action! Until next time, folks!”

**_*outro jingle plays*_ **

  
  
  


Catra screamed in pain as Adora deflowered her while laughing. Adora leaned her entire frame into Catra while thrusting her cock inside her, juices flowing down both of their thighs.

“FEELS **GOOD** DOESN’T IT!? AAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!” Adora laughed evilly.

“AAAHH! NO!” Catra shrieked.

After a few minutes Adora came inside Catra’s pussy, pulling out and leaving her in a broken, crying heap.

“Aaahahaha… that’s a good girl…” Adora patted her… **I don’t even know how to describe this—** lover’s head.

A few seconds later, a loud *ding* could be heard from Adora’s computer.

“Oh! I wonder who that could—”

Adora looked at the message to see that it was from Glimmer. The message read, _“Hey, Adora! You have a visitor! He’s a nice-looking skeleton guy from the other side of the kingdom!”_

**_*CRASH*_ **

Someone suddenly burst through the wall! It was Skeletor, wearing an American flag like a cape!

“NYEEEHHHHH!! FUCK YOU, TRANNY RAPIST!” Skeletor yelled, punching Adora right in the face.

“I WON’T LET YOU PILLAGE MY ‘MERICAN KINGDOM WITH _‘Desmond Is Amazing’_ TABLOID ARTICLES ANYMORE!! YOU’VE TAKEN IT TOO FAR, NYEEEHHHHH!!” Skeletor yelled as he jumped back a bit.

“H-HEY!” Adora yelled, “don’t be a—”

Skeletor reared over and superkicked Adora square in the head, making her stumble back a bit.

“SWEET CHIN MUSIC!! BAH GRAYSKULL!! NYEEEEHHHHHHEHEHEHEH!!” Skeletor yelled, jumping on the bed and posing for ‘Merica.

“Owww… wait, what are you—” Adora was interrupted by Skeletor doing an elbow drop on her.

“AAAHHHHHOOWWW!!” Adora shouted in pain, clutching her chest.

“WAAAAGGGHHH!!” Adora yelled again, as Skeletor picked her up off the ground.

“FOR ‘MERICA AND GRAYSKULL!! NYEEEEHEHEHEH!!” Skeletor laughed, running comically towards the other side of the room with Adora in his arms.

_“NYEEEEEEHHHHHHH!!”_

Adora was sent crashing through her dresser and mirror as Skeletor powerbombed her, just about **throwing** her across the room. Brushing off his hands and shoulder, Skeletor let out a gasp as he saw the chained down, naked and cum-covered Catra.

_“No… not another one… not another soul raped by gay and transgender Satanist pedophiles… GRAYSKULL, WHYYYYYY!!!??”_ Skeletor dropped to his knees and raged to the heavens. But not before giving an oddly specific generalization.

Skeletor carried the tear-covered, childlike, concussed body of Catra and wrapped her in his American flag.

“I’ll take care of you, my sweet summer child…” Skeletor promised, and then got very angry.

_“NOOOOOOEEEEEEEELLLLLLLEEEEEEEE!!!! I SWEAR TO YOU AND GRAYSKULL ABOVE THAT I’LL HAVE MY REVEEEEEEENGE!!!!!”_ Skeletor roared.

  
  


**_The next day… in the big city._ **

  
  


Noelle Stevenson sat at her desk, probably planning out her next weird third wave neoliberal comic or cartoon.

“Um… excuse me, Mrs. Stevenson, you have a visitor.” Stacy the Underpaid Accountant announced.

“ **Visitors?** Hold on, I’m not taking… hold on, what in God’s name is that noise?” Noelle asked.

“Oh, well, uh, my bad! There’s two visitors, actually!” Stacy explained.

“...eh?” Noelle seemed confused… 

That is, until He-Man could be seen running straight at her!

“BY THE POWER OF GRAYSKULL!!” He-Man shouted, rhino charging at Noelle and flying into her with an open-field tackle that would make WCW’s Goldberg proud.

“AAAAAHHHHHHGGGGGG!!” Noelle shrieked as He-Man and her crashed through an office cubicle.

An employee looked on. He was drunk on the job and didn’t really care.

After a few seconds and coughing, Noelle heard another voice!

**“Oh, dear God above.”** Noelle was left stunned as she saw Skeletor running at her next.

“NNYYYEEEEHHHHH!!” Skeletor shouted, jumping up and flying at Noelle with a running dropkick beautiful enough to make NJPW’s Kazuchika Okada proud.

“HWWWAAAAYYYYAAAHHHHH!!” Noelle wailed as Skeletor’s feet left their impact on her torso, sending her crashing down into a giant water jug and spilling it everywhere.

Skeletor suddenly had an idea!

“HE-MAN!!” Skeletor yelled.

“YES!!?” He-Man yelled back.

Skeletor and He-Man looked at each other for a moment. They **both** had an idea… the same idea… 

“GET THE TABLES!!” The two yelled simultaneously.

Noelle looked on in shock as both He-Man and Skeletor got tables and stacked them up on each other.

“H-Hey… what are yo—GWWWAAAHHHH!!” Noelle screeched, as He-Man picked her up, climbing over a desk and literally standing **on top** of the railing for another office cubicle.

“IT’S MOVIE TIME!! IN! THREE!! DEE!!” The two yelled at once.

He-Man jumped down and did a flying powerbomb to Noelle through the two tables while Skeletor jumped up and grabbed her head and chest, effectively helping slam her down even harder.

Noelle screamed as He-Man and Skeletor 3D’d her through the tables. Wood was sent flying everywhere. It was a majestic moment. It was one of _those moments._ A moment in which you could replay it in slow-motion and play a Beethoven orchestra over.

**It was beautiful.**

The two laughed together… and so, this was the end of their adventure. The moral of the story is, Netflix is filled with predators. And not the badass alien warriors.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have been barred from running for political office.


	2. A Merry She-Ra Christmas!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Have you ever wanted a truly heartwarming tale of Christmas cheer? No? What?! Fuck you, stop being a contrarian!

It feels good to watch over these accursed trials, as they happen in real time. Let's see what tale is in store for us tonight… _(sips hot cocoa, flips through pages)_ . Ohh, that's right! Christmas was… a few weeks ago. Hmm, seems like I was _very_ late on this one! But it's a story that has to be told nonetheless!

It's a tale of fright, of hormones gone wrong, of bizarre people, told by _me!_ And I myself am bizarre, for I watch over all of this ongoing retardation!

Allow me to introduce myself - I am T0M. I'm a simple, robotic watcher over all these events, but all of these wild adventures tend to amaze, and, amuse me! I'm no Saint Nick, but what I am, is a great narrator! So, then, _(cracks knuckles),_ let's get started!

_(Snowflakes… a calm, quiet house… and Catra? Oh boy! This will be fun!)_

  
  


Ahh, Christmas Eve. A peaceful time of the year, but one of sorrow for dear Catra. Fueled by the pain of violation, she kneeled by her bed, and held her hands together in prayer.

"Dear Jesus,", the glimmering and hopeful Catra prayed, "Please avenge my blessed body, for it has been defiled."

Well, that night, let's just say Jesus had taken the night off. It was his birthday, who could blame him? And who knows what happened to Santa. However, a more dark, disturbing… _and_ _kind of awesome_ presence emerged.

**_And… silence._ **

//

_(to the rhyme of A Visit from St. Nicholas)_

'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the home; Not a creature was stirring, not even a moan.

That is a sexual reference, of course; But that bitch Adora showed zero remorse!

The cat, she laid fast asleep in her bed; Her body was defiled, her soul filled with dread.

The stockings were hung by the chimney with hope, and the thought of Saint Nicholas soon helping her cope.

The cat was nestled all snug in her bed; When a figure came through the chimney, its eyes bloodshot and red.

While visions of sugar-plums danced in the cat's mind; The olden Krampus arrived, for his nightly grind.

When down from the chimney came about such a clatter; The cat's ear perked as it heard a bit of chatter.

Dusting himself off after his fall down the pit; Krampus mumbled, _"I'm getting too old for this shit."_

The cat whispered a bit, and let out a groan, asking, _"Who's there? Can't you just call me by phone?"_

Old Krampus' eyes looked red, but not supernatural; Instead they looked bloodshot, as he'd been smoking the agricultural.

_"The name's Krampus",_ the strange fellow explained; _"And soon, your problems shall all be contained."_

The cat, she flashed an expression of joy; then confused, she asked, _"Krampus? But where's Saint Nick? He's the one who always delivers the toys!"_

Krampus pointed at the chimney, being clearly high; And explained, _"Saint Nick? No, I'm the other guy!"_

Krampus stumbled, his mind soaring like a kite; He added, _"I'm just here to make everything right!"_

The cat beamed like a beacon of glee; As Adora, to her, was nothing more than a flea.

Adora was not just a nuisance, but a danger to children, so Krampus would give aid to the feline civilian.

Away to the window, he flew like a flash; Old Krampus tore open the shutters, and fell on his ass.

With a grumble, a groan, broken glass and curse words; Poor Krampus was so high he thought the roof panels were birds.

As old Krampus made it back to his sleigh; He was greeted by his friend, a sour-expressed imp, its skin sporting grey.

With a single glare the imp saw the damage; The window was destroyed, there was nothing to salvage.

_"What gives, 'ya friggin' loon?"_ The imp shouted loudly; _"That lady's gonna kill us! She might call the mounties!"_

After coughing a bit, old Krampus replied; _"There's some people who just need beatings, and this one is bi!"_

The imp started up the sleigh, and said with a groan with disapproval; _"If a civil rights attorney heard that sentence, he'd ask for your removal!"_

Krampus, and the imp, rode laughing through the night; While the dawn began to break, and shine its first light.

_"...jeez, Krampus sure is a weird guy,";_ The cat thought to herself, glancing again at his sleigh, _"I don't know how on earth that fucking thing can fly!"_

//

Ahh, that Krampus. Such a strange fellow was he. But alas, poor Adora wouldn't know what hit her!

_(I have no idea what his sleigh was powered by, but my guess, as the narrator, is that it was some kind of hemp device. Look, don't ask me! I don't know how this stuff works!)_

//

_(to the tune of Frosty the Snowman)_

Ado-ra, the groo-mer, was a jo-lly soul with-out a clue!

With a sme-lly skirt, and a bad hair-do, ma-ny chil-dren she did screw!

Ado-ra, the groo-mer, is a pedo-phile, they say!

She hides in the snow, but the chil-dren know, she's on the re-gis-try to-day!

There was left-ov-er Christ-mas ma-gic, in the con-dom the po-lice found!

There was fro-zen cum on the swing-sets, so, she must en-joy the play-ground!

Kram-pus, the de-mon, was high as shit that day!

So when he reached Ado-ra's house, he wound up crash-ing the sleigh!

Kram-pus wasn't rea-lly a bad guy, but he felt the need to shout _"ban-zai!"_

As Kram-pus landed in a snow-bank, the imp act-ed like a crank!

Ado-ra, the groo-mer, took a gaze at her front yard!

As she saw the sleigh, and Kram-pus too, her pu-pils turned to stars!

Ado-ra, the groomer, put on her boots and went outside!

Ado-ra ran towards Kram-pus, she felt no need to hide!

Ado-ra greeted Kram-pus, he was real guar-an-teed!

But she thought he was San-ta, and she bounced up and down with glee!

Ado-ra cried out _"San-ta! I can't be-lieve you're here!"_

She on-ly had one ques-tion, being _"Hey? Where's your rein-deer?"_

Kram-pus had dealt with rap-ists, but none were trans or gay!

_"The fuck's a rein-deer?"_ Kram-pus re-plied, not know-ing what to say!

//

_(Ahh, that Krampus. Adora didn’t know who Krampus was, as obviously she was too busy committing unspeakable illegal acts to do any book-reading, and especially not on fascist Austrian history!)_

//

_(to the tune of 'Jingle Bells')_

Ado-ra grooms, Ado-ra grooms, she has fun with kids!

Kram-pus' job is ve-ry hard, as he pa-trols the grids!

Ado-ra is a special girl, and _(some-times)_ she is gay!

Oh what fun it is to ride, on her two-balled, mea-ty sleigh!

Hey, Ado-ra grooms, Ado-ra grooms, she once raped a cat!

If Kram-pus was a gang-ster, he'd have pulled out the gat!

//

Ahh, such a strange meeting between these two parties. What shall happen next, one may ask? 

_(Well… it wasn't pretty. Everything about this was already insane! Adora is a crazy hebephile, and Krampus beats bad people on the rear with whatever object is in his vicinity!)_

//

_(to the tune of 'Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer)_

Adora got her ass han-ded to her by Kram-pus;

While out-side in her yard, on Christmas Eve!

You can say there’s no such thing as San-ta;

But Kram-pus found it fit-ting, to whoop some ass and leave!

Kram-pus raised his foot right up-wards;

And aimed right for her groin!

With a shout, a wheeze, and pain-ful roll-ing;

Ado-ra’s balls got sent to Des Moine!

Ado-ra went spread eagle, and tried to re-gain her bear-ing;

As Ado-ra stagg-ered back a-way, and right in-to the snow;

Old Kramp-pus laughed like a hy-e-na, and reached into his sack;

And un-for-tu-nate-ly for Ado-ra, he hadn’t reached his sta-tus quo!

_(instrumentals)_

Ado-ra got her ass hand-ed to her by Kram-pus;

While out-side her yard, on Christ-mas Eve!

Kram-pus found his nee-ded tools, with a Hot Whee-ls set;

With plas-tic cars, and hea-vy tracks, her ass, he soon would cleave!

Through all Ado-ra's screams, she had track-shaped welts on her fore-head;

And poor Ado-ra re-al-ized, her match had now been met!

Kram-pus bent her ov-er his knee, fur-ther ready-ing the track;

When he first cracked his plastic whip, he noticed she was wet!

Kram-pus al-most gagged, and felt vio-lent-ly ill;

Upon notic-ing that Ado-ra, was covered in her own cum!

Kram-pus didn’t real-ize, that Ado-ra never washed there;

And thus he got pissed off, raised the track, and beat Ado-ra’s ass like a drum!

_(instrumentals)_

Ado-ra got her ass hand-ed to her by Kram-pus;

While outside her yard, on Christ-mas Eve!

You can say there’s no such thing as Santa;

But old Kram-pus made some cha-os, you’d best be-lieve!

The neigh-bors watched with great in-terest;

And Far-mer Bob laughed his ass off!

Ado-ra screamed, shout-ed, and pro-test-ed;

But while her ass had long, red welts, Kram-pus just laughed, and coughed!

The local Kar-en began to flip her lid, and saw the whole ordeal;

As the drug-in-duced Kram-pus beat Ado-ra’s ass raw;

She tried to co-ver her child-ren’s eyes, see-ing Ado-ra’s pe-nis;

But the chil-dren al-so saw Ado-ra's ass-hole, it was like star-ing in-to a maw!

No-bo-dy called the cops, they were too en-ter-tained;

Just watch-ing Kram-pus beat Ado-ra's ass, was ve-ry fun to watch,

Un-for-tun-ate-ly, Kram-pus was not so lu-cky, as Ado-ra's cum be-gan to splotch!

There act-ual-ly were a cou-ple cops near-by, drink-ing Christ-mas spec-ial coff-ee, not-ic-ing the dis-play!

The cops sim-ul-tan-e-ous-ly laughed their ass off, as Kram-pus shouted, _"La-dy, I don't rea-lly care, whe-ther you're gay!"_

Ev-ery-one thought to them-selves, while watch-ing this pit-i-ful show;

Ado-ra was gett-ing cold, but this was the least of her trou-ble,

Kram-pus kept on whoop-ing her ass, his imp ris-ing from the sno-wy rubb-le!

_"O-kay, that's enough!"_ the imp shou-ted, _"She's gonna be sore as hell tom-mor-ow!"_ he could-n-t help but chuck-le at the sight;

_"What?!"_ Kram-pus did-n't hide his laugh-ter;

_"I can do this all night!"_

  
  


//

  
  


And so, Krampus finished his duty. Adora lied in the snow, covered in welts. Catra had popped into the scene by this point, as she had to walk down the street. She needed to go to Home Depot for parts to rebuild her windowsill! Meanwhile, Adora would later have an irrational hatred for Hot Wheels…

_(Hoo man, what a story! The townsfolk loved this, I'm tellin' 'ya! I can’t hear a word any of you are asking, but if you have questions, I can’t answer too much! The neighbors are going to be livid that I told this story to their kids!)_

Little Billy: _“Hey, uhh, T0M? Why are you telling us this??”_

Well, Little Billy, let me answer your question with a question - you’re a child, right? Children need to know how to protect themselves! So, if you see a rapist or sex offender of some kind at any point, hit ‘em with a Hot Wheels track!

Little Sally: _“Ohh, like Krampus did! That’s a good idea!”_

Little Billy: _“Yeah! Thanks, T0M!”_

Hey now, don’t worship me! I am a mere mortal… robot. Y’know, that’s what my dad always told me whenever I complimented him! I love that guy!

  
  


_Later that night…_

  
  


Man, the neighbors were FURIOUS! I had no idea they’d take my teachings for such granted! Although… I still have you, my audience! I’m standing in front of a video camera right now for a reason! You’re too awesome for me to only celebrate on Christmas!

  
  


Y’know… if Jesus, and Jehovah, and all those other weird historical guys are real, I wonder if they tell stories like this too? Imagine what would happen if Joseph listened to Saint Peter tell this story while the Virgin Mary screamed in pain while giving birth to Jesus! Boy, that'd be a hoot, huh?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please do not try this at home. Hot Wheels™ are not intended to be used for hitting other people, or for any form of kinetic contact against a person's bare skin.


End file.
